Wednesday, January 25, 2006

House Hell, Day 3

The day starts out grimly. Courtney and I begin tag-teaming Idiot's phone at like 8am. Courtney is calling from work, and continuing to research other ways of getting in touch with Idiot.

Nothing is working. Around 10 am, I get fed up. I grab my gun, and head over to Idiot's house to confront her and find out what the hell they are up to. I knock on the door, and surprisingly, get an answer. I half expected the drug dealer to come out swinging or shooting. I was on edge a bit, ready to drill him if he did. I am shocked to hear Idiot's voice, asking who it is. I answer, and am even more shocked to hear Idiot say she will get dressed and open up.

I talk to Idiot for quite a while, about 30 minutes, convincing her that her mortgage broker wasn't totally screwing her. That was the best sales job I have ever done. I think Idiot even believed me.

It's now noonish on the third day of hell. She tells me she will get her son ready, and call me in an hour, to go and sign the papers. I head back to our old house, and sit on the floor, with my phone in my hand, and wait for the hour to go by. About 1:15 or so, I get a call from Idiot. Everything's good, right?

Not even close. The stupid freaking whore is calling me to tell me that her husband (the drug dealer) heard that no buyer ever pays closing costs. Furthermore, they aren't going to close unless we pay all of their closing costs. Her husband is upset because they offered our asking price, and didn't haggle enough. Never mind that I called her back, and had her lower the offer by $2,000, to account for a carpet allowance we were offering (I know it was stupid, but I wanted to have a calm, easy closing). Never mind that we had knocked their closing costs down by $3,000 already. Even the title company dropped some fees.

I start screaming, and tell her to go to hell. We are going to sue her for violating the contract, yada yada yada, then hang up.

I call Courtney, and head over to her office to talk to her. While there, I talk to Mike, Courtney's dad. He points out that the Idiot is asking for $4500, and our house has already appreciated by $25,000; not to mention the $9300 deposit we put down on the new place. That sentence was like a lightbulb going off in my head. I totally bent over, and got ready at that point.

I talk to idiot again, and tell her we will pay another $1800 towards her closing costs. The title agency agrees to pass along information that might lead a person to believe that the lender would only allow us to pay a certain amount of closing costs. But, I say, the deal is only valid that day. We have to sign before the end of the day, or she can shove a pole up her rear.

I offer title agency lady $100 to stay late and get us closed. Then, I call the Pulte title agency and offer $200 if they will stay late to close us on the new house. The catch is that if we don't close on the Pulte home that day, Thursday, we can't close until the next Tuesday. That would mean another four days in the hotel, and not having a home for Mikayla's first Christmas and first birthday. This is not acceptable to me, or to Courtney. The $300 is way worth it. Pulte says no problemo. The title agency chick says she will stay late, but only within reason.

It's now almost 5 pm. We were supposed to hear from Idiot around 3 pm. I am starting to think that she is bailing again. I get a call from the title agency chick at 5:10 or so. My first thought is 'oh crap, she is giving up'. Title agency lady tells me the drug dealer just left her office, after signing the papers. He didn't bring money, but he claims she is on her way, with the cash.

I literally ran inside Courtney's office to get her. I drag her out, and we speed to the title agency. I get there before Idiot. 5 minutes later, I call her, she's about 10 minutes away. She shows up, we sit down and sign (not saying a word). She gives up the cash and signs, and walks out.

I give title agency lady the hundred, and we head for Pulte. The Pulte closing takes like 15 minutes.

It's now 7 pm or so. We are finally DONE! We head to Courtney's parents house to get the UHaul with our belongings, and I muster the troops to help. Only Jeremy is available, but he meets us at the new pad. By 9:45, we are on the way back to UHaul to drop off the truck. By 10:12, we are back home, in our new house, both of us feeling like we have dropped a huge, 5 ton load off of our shoulders.

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