House Hell, Day 2

So, on day 2, we have all agreed to meet at the title agency at noon to sign our papers and get on with our lives. Courtney and I are now pretty happy that Pulte needed to delay the closing, and everything looks good. What's two nights in a hotel to get our dream house, right?

Yeah, right. The buyer shows up at 12:30ish. We sit down at the closing table, and start signing stuff. The buyer seems like a complete idiot, who hasn't read anything about the mortgage industry, or how home purchasing works. First off, she reads EVERY word of the closing papers. Since the woman seems like such an idiotic ass, the title agency chick starts going really slowly, and explaining every part of the documentation.

Of course, that brings up a whole nother set of problems. Apparently, this woman is completely stupid about mortgages, and never asked questions of her mortgage broker, who is equally stupid. Or incredibly smart, depending on your point of view. She screwed the buyer both ways to Sunday. That idiot signed a mortgage agreement for an adjustable rate mortgage. The first mortgage was fixed for 2 years, with a 2 year prepayment penalty, and then the rate started doing flips every quarter. I think it could go up like .5% four times a year, to a max rate of like 200% or something like that. If you can believe it, the second mortgage was even scarier. Her second, a $45,000 or so loan, is a balloon mortgage. At 15 years, idiot has a $20,000 single payment.

When the idiot sees this mortgage package, she starts crying and blubbering.

Then, we get to the HUD-1. It shows ~$8,100 in closing costs to the buyer. Her mortgage broker immediately starts talking about how the title agency made a mistake, because by her calculations, the closing costs should only be ~$5800.

We finally show how the broker idiot made a mistake with her addition (subtracting the seller's closing costs twice). Then, Courtney and I split the $2300 with the broker. So, we have the idiot back to the amount of money she was prepared to spend.

At this point, we have been in the closing office for three hours. The idiot only has $5000, and it's in CASH. She plans to use her debit card for the rest. How freaking stupid do you have to be to think that a title agency is going to accept debit cards? And what kind of person carries $5000 in cash? I can only think of one kind: drug dealer.

So, idiot says her bank is right around the corner, and she's going to go get the other $700, and a cashier's check, and she'll be right back. While she is gone, she is going to find her husband, who has to sign some paperwork. Of course, he is balking about signing any paperwork (drug dealer much?). We had already signed everything we needed to, so we head out. The title agency is going to call us when the idiot gets back, so we can go pick up our check.

We get a call at 5 or so, from the title agency. Everything must be ready, right? Not even. The title agency is calling to find out where the buyer is, since she didn't show up. I start calling her on her cell phone. Courtney starts researching (working her mojo), trying to find out where the idiot lives and get a home number. She can't find anything. She can't find ANY records of idiot's husband at all. Drug dealer much?

Idiot has her phone turned off. I leave several messages, trying to find out what is going on.

We keep calling every five minutes or so, until after 9pm.