Sunday, July 09, 2006

Funny Marine Stories #3

Every night, we had to post a guard in the barracks. Since there were over 100 M16s in the barracks, and they didn’t want anyone going nuts, we had a nightly guard. The way that worked, is 16 guys would get picked each night (it rotated pretty fairly). Each one of us would have one hour of guard duty (called fire watch), either in the head (bathroom), or in the squad bay. We basically had to walk around, and check that everyone’s rifle was locked up, and make sure no one went crazy.

You learn a lot about the human body’s reaction to sleep in that kind of situation. Every time I had guard duty, at least one guy would scream in his sleep, or sit bolt upright in bed, or start reciting some of the facts that we were absorbing every day. I’m pretty sure that boot camp magnified my talking in my sleep (ask Courtney about the snow man sometime).

Well, having people suddenly sit up or scream at you is no big deal, compared to what one guy did.

One morning, the drill instructor told me to gather up about 4 guys’ cammies, and wash them. When we went to sleep at night, we would roll up our uniforms, and put them behind our racks, where the floor met the wall (by the way, rolling your clothes is remarkably effective at keeping wrinkles out of them).

As I went to grab the cammies, of the other recruits stopped me, and told me to grab a towel, and not to touch the cammies with my hands. Naturally, as I was grabbing a towel, I asked why. Apparently, while one of the guys was on fire watch, someone from the lower end of the alphabet (our racks were arranged alphabetically) got out of bed, and walked back to the wall behind his rack. He proceeded to pull out his pecker, and take a leak all over about four guys’ cammies, including his own. The fire watch asked him what the hell he was doing. The pee-er just ignored him, and got back into bed. Turns out, the guy wasn’t even awake. He slept through the whole thing!

Why is it that I always end up with the nasty, clean up the piss jobs? Why am I cursed?

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